Adoption in the UK is a structured process that supports both the child and prospective adopters. Each phase is designed to ensure a thorough, careful match. Here is an expanded breakdown of each stage, along with common fears and anxieties that adopting parents might experience at each point.
1. Initial inquiry: Starting the journey
The first step is contacting an adoption agency, either through a local authority or a voluntary agency, to gather information and attend an introductory session. When choosing an agency, consider the following:
Agency type: Local authorities handle most adoptions in the UK, particularly children who may have additional needs, siblings, or older children. Voluntary agencies often have more specialised services.
Post-adoption support: Ensure the agency offers long-term support, including counselling, workshops, or peer groups, especially for challenging transitions like school or adolescence.
Experience and reputation: Research the agency’s experience with different types of adoption, particularly if you’re considering sibling groups, older children, or children with complex needs. Look for reviews or testimonials from other adoptive families.
Communication and approach: Pay attention to how supportive and responsive the agency is during your initial inquiry. Are they clear in their communication, willing to answer questions, and provide resources? The relationship you build with your agency is crucial throughout the process.
Training and preparation: Most agencies offer preparation groups or training sessions for prospective adopters. Consider the depth and breadth of the training they provide—this can be a significant factor in how well-prepared you feel for the adoption journey.
Location and availability: Consider the agency's proximity to you, as regular meetings will be part of the assessment and post-adoption process. Accessibility and convenience can make the journey smoother.
"At this stage, many prospective adopters fear whether they are ready for adoption. It’s common to worry about not being ‘good enough’ or having your past experiences scrutinised. People often feel anxious about whether their current lifestyle, finances, or even their age may make them unsuitable to adopt. Choosing an agency that feels supportive and transparent can alleviate some of these initial concerns and help you feel more confident about moving forward."
By thoroughly researching and selecting an agency that matches your needs, you set a strong foundation for the rest of your adoption journey.
2. Stage one: Registration and initial checks
Once you formally express interest in adopting, you will undergo a series of background checks. These include:
Enhanced DBS checks: These check for any criminal convictions or cautions that could affect your eligibility to adopt. The enhanced check also reviews any time spent working or volunteering with children or vulnerable adults.
Personal references: The agency will contact friends, family, or colleagues to provide references on your character, lifestyle, and suitability to adopt.
Medical assessment: A thorough medical assessment is conducted by your GP. This ensures you are physically and mentally capable of caring for a child. The assessment will cover your overall health, any long-term conditions, and mental health history. Some prospective adopters worry that past medical issues, like depression or serious illness, might prevent them from adopting. However, agencies are generally more concerned with how you manage any ongoing conditions and your ability to parent.
Preparation groups: These sessions are typically held in person and are designed to give prospective parents a realistic understanding of adoption. They cover topics such as trauma, attachment disorders, and managing challenging behaviours. Preparation groups also provide opportunities to meet other prospective adopters and share experiences.
"During this stage, anxieties often arise about whether something in your background could be seen as problematic. Some prospective parents may worry about their health or past mistakes. Even though this stage is a general overview, it can feel like a significant hurdle, with many feeling they are being ‘judged’ for every detail of their lives."
Despite the detailed nature of this stage, it’s important to remember that most agencies focus on your ability to provide a safe, loving home and how you’ve grown from past experiences rather than looking for perfection.
3. Stage two: In-depth assessment
This stage typically lasts around four months, with multiple home visits from a social worker. These visits will involve in-depth conversations about your life, covering topics like your childhood, family dynamics, mental health, relationships, and how you manage stress or conflict. You'll also be asked to think critically about your parenting style and how you plan to support a child who may have experienced trauma, neglect, or loss. What to expect:
Open conversations: Social workers will ask about how you were raised, your values, and how your past experiences have shaped you.
Parenting discussions: Be prepared to talk about how you plan to handle discipline, emotional development, and attachment.
Home environment: They’ll want to ensure your home is safe, child-friendly, and offers stability.
"This stage often stirs anxieties about being vulnerable and opening up deeply personal aspects of your life. Many prospective adopters fear they will be judged for their pasts or feel inadequate about their ability to parent a child who may have complex emotional needs. This self-reflection can bring up deep-seated fears about their own worthiness to adopt."
The goal here is not to assess perfection but to evaluate your awareness of the challenges ahead and your resilience in providing a loving home for a child.
4. Approval panel: Gaining formal approval
Once your in-depth assessment is complete, your social worker will draft a Prospective Adopters Report (PAR), summarising your background, parenting approach, and suitability to adopt. This document is submitted to an independent adoption panel for review. The approval process can take a few weeks after your assessment is completed.
You will be invited to attend the panel meeting, where panel members may ask additional questions to clarify aspects of your report. The panel consists of social workers and adoption experts who make the final recommendation regarding your approval. What to expect:
Panel composition: The panel typically includes professionals, such as social workers, medical advisors, and sometimes adoptive parents, who will have reviewed your report.
Questions: They may ask about how you will handle specific challenges, such as managing difficult behaviours or supporting a child’s emotional development.
Timing: After the meeting, it usually takes a few days to weeks for the panel’s recommendation to be finalised, and you’ll be informed of their decision.
"Many parents feel intense anxiety at this stage, as they’re now being formally assessed by a group of strangers. Even with a strong recommendation, the fear of rejection is very real. The idea that a panel could turn down your application, despite your dedication and preparation, can be one of the most emotionally charged points of the journey."
While anxieties are natural, remember that the panel’s role is to ensure that both the child and the prospective parents are well-matched, and they are there to support you in making the best decision for the family. If approved, you will move on to the matching stage, which brings you one step closer to welcoming your child.
5. The matching process: Finding your child
Once you have gained approval, you enter the crucial stage of matching. During this process, your agency works to find a child or sibling group whose needs match your abilities, preferences, and circumstances. This is often a waiting period that can take anywhere from a few weeks to many months depending on the availability of children and how closely your profile aligns with children needing adoption. What to expect:
Family profile: You will work with your social worker to create a detailed family profile that includes your lifestyle, values, and reasons for adopting. This profile is shared with children’s social workers to help match you with a child.
Children’s profiles: Similarly, you’ll be presented with profiles of children who are available for adoption. These profiles include details about the child’s background, medical history, emotional needs, and any trauma they may have experienced.
Meetings with social workers: Social workers will discuss potential matches with you, ensuring you fully understand the child’s history, needs, and any future support required. The goal is to find the best fit for both you and the child, considering factors such as the child’s age, personality, and any potential medical or developmental issues.
Siblings or single child: If you’re open to adopting siblings, the matching process may also consider the dynamics between the children and how they will integrate into your family. Some adopters may also consider children with special needs or those from specific backgrounds, which can influence the timeline for matching.
The emotional journey of matching:
Uncertainty and waiting: This stage can be emotionally draining, as there is often no fixed timeline for when a match will be made. It’s not uncommon for adopters to feel impatient, anxious, or unsure about whether the right child will come along.
Connection fears: Many prospective parents worry about whether they’ll feel an immediate connection to the child, or if the child will bond with them. It’s important to remember that bonding can take time, and an instant connection isn’t always realistic.
Managing expectations: Some adopters may find the profiles difficult to review, as many of the children will have complex needs or challenging backgrounds. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed at times, especially when faced with difficult stories of trauma or neglect. However, your social worker is there to help you process these feelings and guide you through the decision-making process.
Once a potential match is identified, a period of introductions will begin. This gradual process allows you and the child to meet and start building a relationship before the child is placed in your home. Social workers remain closely involved during this time to ensure both the child and the adopters are comfortable with the transition.
"This stage brings a lot of uncertainty. Many parents worry about finding the right match—whether they will connect with the child or if they’ll be able to meet the child’s needs. The waiting period can be emotionally draining, as it’s hard to know when or if a suitable match will be found. There can be pressure to feel an immediate connection, which isn’t always realistic."
The matching process can be one of the most emotional stages of adoption, as it requires patience and trust in the process. While the wait can be long, the goal is always to find the best fit for both the child and the adoptive family to ensure a successful and fulfilling adoption journey.
6. Introductions: Meeting your child
Once a match is confirmed, the introductions phase begins. This process is gradual and carefully managed to help the child and the adoptive parents build a connection. Introductions typically start with short, casual meetings, such as a visit to the foster home or a neutral environment like a park. These meetings then progress to longer, more involved visits, possibly at your home, over the course of several days or weeks.
Initial meetings: The first few encounters are usually brief and take place in a familiar setting for the child, such as their foster home. This helps ease the child into the idea of meeting new people without overwhelming them. You may spend an hour or two playing together or talking, with the foster carer or social worker nearby for support.
Gradual progression: Over time, the meetings will grow longer and become more frequent. You may begin to take the child on short outings or spend time at your home. These interactions allow the child to become familiar with you in different environments and start to develop a sense of trust and comfort.
Emotional preparation: You’ll also be briefed extensively on the child’s background, including any trauma, special needs, or behavioural concerns. This helps you prepare emotionally for any potential challenges and understand the child's emotional state. The foster carers and social workers will provide guidance on the child’s routines, likes, dislikes, and any coping mechanisms they use.
Building the bond: This phase is critical for starting to build trust. The social worker will observe how the child responds to you and how you are bonding. It's important to remember that the bond won’t always form immediately. Some children may take time to warm up, while others might attach quickly. This is normal, and there is no right or wrong timeline for developing a relationship.
“Meeting the child is both exciting and daunting. Prospective parents often feel anxious about making a good impression, worrying about whether the child will like them and how quickly they will start forming a bond. It’s natural to have self-doubt at this stage, questioning whether you will be able to meet the child’s emotional needs or handle any behavioural challenges that may arise.”
The introductions stage is a delicate balance of excitement and nervousness for many adoptive parents. Some children might test boundaries or exhibit emotional withdrawal, especially if they’ve experienced trauma or instability in the past. It’s crucial to stay patient and consistent, allowing the child to come to you at their own pace.
Support: Social workers are closely involved in this stage to provide guidance, advice, and reassurance to both the child and the parents. They’ll help mediate any initial challenges and offer emotional support to ensure the transition progresses smoothly.
Transition plan: Once introductions go well and the child begins to feel comfortable, a plan is made for the move-in day. This is usually done gradually, starting with overnight stays before the final placement occurs.
The introductions phase is designed to give both the child and the parents time to adjust and begin forming a relationship. While anxieties and self-doubt are common, this stage is crucial for setting the foundation of trust and attachment that will grow over time.
7. Placement: Welcoming the child into your home
Once introductions are successful, the child officially moves in with you, marking the placement stage. However, the adoption is not finalised at this point. During placement, social workers will visit regularly to monitor how the child is adjusting, ensuring the transition is smooth and providing additional support where needed. What to expect:
Ongoing support: Social workers will continue to check in with you and the child. These visits are essential to ensure the child is settling well and to address any challenges that might arise. They will also guide you in managing the child’s emotional and developmental needs.
Emotional adjustment: The early days of placement are often a mix of excitement and anxiety. The child may experience a range of emotions, from relief to fear, as they adjust to their new home and family. The transition period can bring feelings of uncertainty, especially if the child has had unstable placements in the past.
"After the initial excitement of placement, many adoptive parents experience fears about bonding. It’s common to worry about whether the child will truly feel at home or if you’ll be able to manage their emotional needs, especially if they come from a background of trauma or neglect. Adoptive parents also fear making mistakes and wonder if they are doing enough to make the child feel safe and loved.
Challenges and support:
Bonding and attachment: Bonding doesn’t always happen immediately, and it’s normal to worry about whether you and the child are connecting. Children from backgrounds of trauma or neglect may take longer to trust and open up. Patience and consistency are key, and the bond will build over time.
Parental self-doubt: Many adoptive parents feel a sense of self-doubt during this stage. You may question whether you’re doing enough to make the child feel secure or worry about handling behavioural issues. It’s important to reach out for support from your social worker and adoption network whenever needed.
Routines and security: Establishing a routine is critical in helping the child feel safe and secure. Simple things like consistent meal times, bedtime routines, and family activities can provide a sense of stability that is crucial for the child’s emotional well-being.
Support systems: You will likely have access to post-placement support services, such as therapy or parenting groups, which can help you navigate this transition period. Many adoptive families benefit from talking to other adopters who have gone through similar experiences.
The placement stage is a significant milestone but also a time of adjustment for both the child and the adoptive parents. Building a bond, managing the child’s emotional needs, and creating a stable environment are key to fostering a successful adoption.
8. Post-placement support and monitoring
During this phase, social workers will visit regularly to check on the child’s progress. You can also apply for additional support, such as therapy, counselling, or parenting workshops. Many agencies offer post-adoption groups where adoptive parents can share their experiences.
"This stage often brings a mix of emotions—relief that placement has occurred, but fear of failure. Many parents worry about whether they are providing enough support for the child. Questions about attachment, discipline, and ongoing trauma often arise. There’s also the fear that they’re not living up to their own expectations or the expectations of social workers."
9. Applying for the adoption order: Making it official
Once the child has moved in, the post-placement phase begins, where social workers visit regularly to monitor how the child is settling and how you, as adoptive parents, are adjusting. These visits can continue for several months, depending on the child’s needs. Social workers assess the emotional and practical aspects of the placement and provide support as required. What to expect:
Regular check-ins: Your social worker will visit frequently to observe how the child is adjusting and to provide guidance on any emerging challenges, such as attachment issues, behavioural concerns, or emotional adjustment. The goal is to ensure that both the child and the family are adapting well and to address any issues early on.
Accessing additional support: During this phase, you can apply for additional support services. Many agencies offer therapy, parenting workshops, and post-adoption groups where you can connect with other adoptive parents. These resources can help you navigate the emotional complexities of parenting a child who may be dealing with trauma, neglect, or other difficult past experiences.
"While the Adoption Order is an exciting milestone, it brings its own set of anxieties. Parents often worry about the court process and whether everything will go smoothly. The idea that something could go wrong or that additional complications might arise can make this a nerve-wracking experience, even if everything is progressing well."
It’s common for adoptive parents to feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of providing emotional support, especially if their child struggles with attachment or behavioural issues. They may worry about whether they’re doing enough or if they’re meeting their social worker’s expectations. Children who have experienced trauma or multiple placements often need extra emotional care, which can feel daunting as parents begin to understand the full extent of their child’s needs.
Parenting workshops and counselling play a crucial role in helping adoptive parents manage these challenges. These resources offer support and confidence in establishing routines, managing behaviours, and ensuring the child feels secure. Post-adoption support is tailored to meet the unique emotional needs of both the child and the parents, making the transition smoother.
By staying connected with social workers and accessing available support, adoptive families can better navigate the complexities of post-placement, fostering a strong, loving relationship. This ongoing support helps parents manage both the successes and challenges of the journey.
10. Post-adoption life: The ongoing journey
Once the Adoption Order is granted, you become the child’s legal parent, but this marks the beginning of a new phase. As the child grows, many adoptive families continue to face challenges, especially as the child navigates school, adolescence, and identity development. Adopted children often experience complex emotions related to their birth families, particularly if they were adopted at an older age.
Even after the legal process is finalised, it’s natural for parents to continue worrying about the future. Questions about how the child will cope with school, how to address queries about their birth family, and how to help them manage feelings of loss or identity confusion are common concerns.
These ongoing challenges require patience and understanding, as parenting an adopted child is a lifelong commitment. Open communication, emotional support, and access to post-adoption services, such as counselling or support groups, are crucial during this time. Many children, especially as they develop a deeper understanding of their identity, may experience periods of confusion, frustration, or sadness, particularly when reflecting on their birth family.
For adoptive parents, being prepared for these emotional transitions is essential. The need for ongoing support doesn’t stop with the adoption’s finalisation. Instead, it shifts towards guiding the child through their personal development, providing reassurance and love as they form their identity within their adoptive family. Parents who remain engaged with support networks, social workers, and educational resources can better navigate these stages, ensuring that the child feels secure, valued, and understood as they grow.
To round off...
As we can see from this blog, the UK adoption journey is a multifaceted process with several key stages, from initial inquiries and assessments to post-placement support. Each stage requires emotional resilience and openness, as parents face challenges like background checks, bonding with their child, and addressing the child’s unique needs. Even after the Adoption Order is granted, adoptive families often need ongoing support to navigate the complexities of school, identity, and attachment. By staying connected to resources and professional guidance, adoptive families can thrive through every phase of their journey.
We hope this has been informative, and as always, any questions please let us know.
The Walk Together Adoption Team.
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